We live in a cynical....cynical world!

I've received news of the death of one of my design trainers, Jackson, a couple of days ago. Saw in the papers that he was involved in an accident that led to his demise. Felt shocked I must say, and to think that just a couple of weeks ago, he was there sitting in front of me, and we were discussing on a modified programme of sorts on design, for my sec 3 students. And talking about students, late last year, I happen to come across an obituary for one of my classmate, way back in primary school. Can still remember her as cute, and one who is willing to lend a helping hand when one needs help. A fellow prefect, I guess that much thought I have of her, and no less, good thoughts indeed, is enough to make us aware of how short life is. So short, that at times, I do wonder why do people really want to make enemies, and why people really want to get over the heads of others, just so that you can be ahead yourselves. Such narcissistic behaviour, though never a domain of any religion, do somehow get into the general fold of even those religious sort! Hmmm, but then again, this is just the sarcastic me talking.

Like what Jerry Macguire said towards the end of the show..."We live in a cynical....cynical world!"

Of David and Goliath…

I happen to watch the making of the movie “300″, and read the reviews and the interviews of the making of the movie in today’s papers; basically a story about how 300 Spartans managed to put up a fight against an army of 1 million Persians. Seems apt that my entry tonight is entitled that then. Anyway, the main thing that somehow caught my eye was whether it IS based on an actual event, or just a figment of the writer’s imagination. Hmmm, can’t remember his name, but it is like ’something’ Miller..why can I remember his last but not first name, because they have the same last name as the famous designer, Herman Miller. Anyway, the papers mentioned that it IS based on an actual event, but it is only mentioned…like in one short paragraph out of the entire article. And given Hollywood’s record of depicting stories on actual events, somehow everything seems so suspect! No mention of its factual occurence was mentioned when I watched the “Making of the movie version” on TV though. Hmmm…strange! Sorry for my somehow piqued appraisal, it is just that I do have enough of the biasness potrayed by the media when it comes to religious concerns.

But enough about movies, let us go on to my other love too, besides my significant other that is, Rugby! The boys played very well last Tuesday, beating ACS Barker in a fairly tough match. Second round of the competition seems to be just as tough if not tougher, with the team being in the same group as other teams, who are just as hungry, if not hungrier, to win the title. Somehow or rather, I just got this feeling that we might just be able to inch our way to the top 4 of the Cups this year, but that is just a hunch! The last time I felt this, which was 2 years ago, the boys lost their matches when they can’t afford to, and managed to get back up again to clinch the Plates! But hey, like what I told some of my colleagues, the ball is oval…indeed it is even more UNPREDICTABLE, both literally and metaphorically speaking. Don’t believe me, try catching a rugby ball in mid-air and letting it bounce ONCE, or even TWICE, and you know what I mean. In fact to up the ante just a teeny weeny little bit, why not have a go at it but this time with 15 testerone-induced and even maybe hormonally-charged boys rushing at you. And then you’ll just know what I REALLY MEAN!

Professionally the above title also aptly describes the very situation that I am facing in my professional capacity as a leader. Somewhat, no doubt that I do have passionate, dedicated and professional teachers, who are willing to experiment and try out new ideas and concepts on teaching more effectively, but then the results perhaps have betrayed me for the past year or so. Sometimes I do wrecked my heads, looking at ways, or thinking of things that the team can do to perhaps get us out of the results trough. A lot of perhaps, a lot of trial and error, a lot of…basically trying out ways and methods that best suited for us to get that results that just doesn’t meet us at the right corner. And how is the title best describe this…well perhaps it suit most suitably in terms of our teaching experiences. Having youth, in this case, metaphorically speaking, I do have teachers who are rather “young” in terms of their teaching capacity and experience, can be both a blessing and hmmm…I don’t think I can call it a curse, because I don’t think it is that. Let us just say that perhaps sometimes, this youthfulness do let us down in certain ways. And in this context is how I see sometimes my role is fitting in into the bigger scheme of things. I guess, just like the different stages of group formation (if I am not wrong, there’s like 4 or 5 stages, can’t seem to remember what are they though ), my role here not only to ensure that the results would be even better, but I must also be looking at how I can develop their capacity and enrich their teaching capacity too. Like how they put it in the work review form…”Building Capacity and Capability”! Hmmm seems a little difficult when you have rather little or no guidance previously, but I guess things are moving a little better…a little late perhaps, but better late than never.

So how can the small inexperienced “David”ian department like mine is able to stave off ‘attacks’ by the mighty “Goliath”? How can David survive the onslaught of Goliath, armed with only the slings of “youth, inexperience and a greater desire to experiment” I don’t think I do have the answer right away, but I guess being nimble does help! That, and by refocusing my energies and thoughts on what the department has, that others doesn’t. Looking at what the department can offer, that others can’t. Looking at the value-add that the department’s programme can offer, that others can’t. And to see how this value-add, can, within the whole grand scheme of things, be used positively, and synergistically, to eventually get us out of the results trough, and hopefully…no….not hopefully but to eventually, give us the results that we truly deserve.

And with that, let us swing the sling guys. Let us face the might of Goliath and…ye who shall face the might of the giant and prevail, let victory be the sweet taste of thy’s hard labour!

A teacher...and a multi-tasker

What a wonderful two weeks the fortnight have been. The release of the O level results, the start of the Under 17 competition, the training, the work, somehow or rather, the dichotomous feeling that I'm having, of both an high, and a low, is somewhat like a mental 'aphrosidiac' of sorts. Feeling dissapointed...again, that my class have obtained results that somehow or rather is not reflective of their ability, but on the other, feeling that 'sick' feeling that somehow, some of them truly deserve them! Ah, maybe, hopefully, they realise the importance of all the values that I am trying to inbibe in them, albeit a little late! Just maybe, maybe, they begin to realise just how fortunate they are, to be handed opportunities on a silver platter, and to be able to make decisions, though at times, suspect, but nevertheless the very fact that they ARE given a lot more options, somehow 'sickens' me; sickening because the worse thing about not knowing what to do, is just to whine away and ponder their choices, and NOT knowing how to go about resolving their 'not knowing what to do'-state!

Valentine's was a mere 4 days ago, and I got a card from one of them. Cheesy I might say: The card says, 'Thanks from the bottom of my heart, but my heart has no bottom!' SUPER-DUPER CHEESY don't you think! If only this realisation were to come up a little earlier, wouldn't it be much much better. On reflection, I do hope that my kids would just realise their folly, albeit the hard way, and start to move on from here, as the song goes in my previous entry.

I accompanied my boys on 3rd match yesterday. And just before the match, I do have a discussion with one of my colleagues, on the things that I did for the CCA. Without missing a beat, I told him that my co-manager and myself are all things rolled into one: a manager, cousellor, massager, sprayer, first-aider, photographer, score-keeper, administrator, bus-booker, ball-keeper, store-checker, store-keeper, water-boy, time-keeper...hmm and the list goes on, must I say them all. But hey, like what I told myself at times, better this than dealing with all those insinuations and others that somehow or rather, is more pervasive these past 2 weeks. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, if I could just silence my critics. But then again, in the words of Bruce Lee:

"I'm not here to live up to YOUR expectations;

and neither are you here to live up to MINE"

Reaching my Breaking Point

In materials engineering, the breaking or fracture point of a material is the point where the material just literally snap, where no longer is the material exhibiting elastic or even non-elastic behaviour, and where, depending on the functional condition of the assigned material, it could either be something dangerous, or just a dire warning to the materials engineer that such shitty things do happen. And what do y0u know, maybe, just maybe, I might be reaching mine too, and this is no metaphorical thingy that I would usually ascribe to my writings, but more as a measured reaction to the things that is happening around me. My only hope is that this is not a knee-jerk reaction, but more of a precursor to something even bigger or/and better.

What are my wishes for this year 2007? Hmm, to pen down those thoughts is like literally making me hold myself hostage to the demands of my alter-ego's expectations. But safe to say that among others, I do hope, like my previous post, to be a better person by nature, to be more of a mentor to my students and subordinates, to be able to synthesise my readings better, to create and give opportunities to my friends and officers to develop their rightful potential. But it seems so hard sometimes when things are just not falling into the right places at times, but I guess, like what I always advise others, 'Semua yang terjadi ada hikmahnya', which basically means, that 'Things usually happens for a reason, of which sometimes we might never ever know until we reached that 'AHA!' moment!'

So as I sit here being contemplative and reflective, I do wonder maybe, just maybe, sometimes I try too hard to be this better person. Shouldn't I be letting things flow, just let them be, just let nature takes its course. In the words of Bruce Lee, "I am not here to live up to YOUR expectations, and neither are you here to live up to MINE!" Harsh words, but I do feel that sometimes I am too harsh on myself. Look at what it has gotten me into, or NOT. I do wonder. But then again, this is just a test, something that I will just take it in my stride, and do whatever that I can to overcome, and persevere.

Like the saying that goes, 'The value of a MAN is not when all things are well and fine, but when he faces difficulty and challenges, that one will be able to see what IS his (or her) true value and self-worth'

The best is yet to be

This motto from ACS just got stuck on my head..keeps ringing and ringing in my head for the past few days, more so because it does beg the question of...'if it is still yet to be...then when will it ever be (your BEST!)' Doesn't it sound like a disclaimer of sorts..somewhat like a justified motto to hide away your shortcomings and incompetencies, to tell your opponents and competitors that yeah, we lost, 'but you have still yet to see our best!' But hei, this is just me being the devils' advocate! :)

On the other hand, I do see the good thing about it. Very much so since I also believe somewhat in this motto, that no matter at what level you perform, somehow, there is this little inch of you that you somehow can't, or won't be able to summon, or squeeze out no matter what the condition or situation is. And then there begs the question...so when will it ever be your best then? The simple crux of the matter is, you just never know when. And where does all this leads to? Well, just a little something that I've doing for a long while now, THINKING and REFLECTING. Thinking on how I can best be a better person: a better teacher, a better leader, a better provider of opportunities to both my charges and officers, a better husband, a better subordinate, basically a better person in 2007, than in 2006. Thought of a few things already, will see what I can do to get this wheel moving, the ball rolling and everything in place for a great 2007!

They say the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. And so...let the journey begins...